I read an entry here not that long ago, wish I could remember whose it was, that basically was talking about xanga bloggers who write for the attention. What the person was saying is that basically if you write what you are truly interested in and people follow you, then you are successful, otherwise, you’re pretty much just an attention whore.
I started to think about my own writing here. I’ll fully admit I’m an attention whore. I like lots of comments and positive attention. I really don’t understand people that don’t. That said, I truly take interest in the things I write about here. I’ll admit it gets frustrating though. Because there are times I write things that I think are great and are just going to explode to the front page. Not because I wrote them with the goal of the front page in mind. I wrote them because I had something to say and I wanted peoples attention and their feedback. But then when that entry only gets 3-4 comments I pull back and say “what went wrong?” It’s really been difficult for me to judge what people are going to like of mine and what they won’t. Yes I do write for my readers. If I was writing for myself, every entry would be a boring recap of my day or week. So getting my readers attention is important to me.
What I’ve noticed however, is that I’m all over the place. My topics, my writing style, my entries in general are completely scattered. But then it’s also the best representation of who I really am. Because I am scattered, I am all over the place. That’s my personality and the way I think. I guarantee that you have never met a person like me before. These are not my words but the words of several friends of mine who have told me I am one of the most unique people they have ever met. I could act all humble and deny it, but I believe them. And hey, maybe it’s not a positive comment anyway. I don’t know.
I’m thinking I might try and step away from xanga for a little while. Just because I don’t feel like I have anything to say right now. I need to reexamine what entries of mine have hit and try to be more consistent in writing only those entries. This isn’t some dramatic “i’m leaving xanga” post. This is more like I need to step away and figure out why I’m not more successful.
Why is this so important to me? Because ever since I was 13 I wanted to be a Hollywood filmmaker and I still want to be. On top of that I want to be an actor in my own films. So if I can’t sell my topics and I can’t sell myself here on a measly little blogging site like Xanga, how the hell do I expect to sell these things to the rest of the world and become a successful filmmaker? I need to reexamine what I’m doing wrong.