The Wedding Situation

My friend Steve is getting married July 4th. Steve and I have been nearly best friends for 15 years now. But I won’t be at his wedding. Here’s why.

I live in Detroit. Steve has never been a big fan of Detroit. He’s always wanted to leave the state. Several years ago he moved to Hawaii for a teaching job and I wasn’t sure if he’d ever com e back. Seven months later he moved back to Michigan. But since he moved back our friendsship had been different. I was ina serious relationship with two kids and not alot of time or money to hang out. He only had a girlfriend and was renting a house. We didn’t see each other much for whatever reason. 
Then a coupel of years ago he moved down to Maryland for a teaching job and he’s been there since. We’ve talked on the phone maybe twice a year and not for more then a half an hour. He’s come back in town a few times a year and ever time he does it’s only for maybe a weekend in which most of his time is spent with his family ‘understandable) but then he’ll get together with his friends (a big group of us) for a night. During which I maybe get to talk to him for about a half an hour tops. It’s not at all like it was when we were in high school hanging out together every day after school for hours on end making movies together. or even when he wnet to college and we would get together once a month or two and hang out all weekend together making movies or whatever.
I feel like I don’t know the guy anymore. We don’t even email each other. He doesn’t update his facebook or have a twitter or xanga account, so I hardly even know what’s going on in his life anymore. It feels like we aren’t even really friends anymore. When I do talk to him it seems a little awkward.
So know he’s getting married, to a girl I’ve only met a couple of times and don’t even really know. His wedding is in southeast Ohio where her parents live. A good four+ hour drive for me. I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately. Money has been more then tight. I had to buy a new car because my old one died. I have a ticket I have to pay by July 8th, insurance, rent, child support, car payment, cell, ect. There is no way I can drive down there, pay for gas, hotel and wedding gift to attend his wedding. Most of my friends however are going and my friend Dan is absolutely pissed at me for not going. Even more then Steve. But then Steve kinda expected I wouldn’t be there from the start, which is why he told Dan he didn’t even ask me to stand up in the wedding. That kinda pissed me off to begin with. If he doesn’t have faith in me to be there to stand up in his wedding, why should I go down there afterall and pay out all of that to be there?
I’m still planning on sending hima gift later on in the month when I get some money I can spend. 
I feel really bad I can’t make it down there, but I don’t know what else I can do. It’s pretty much me saying ‘goodbye” once and for all to a good friend of mine I’ve had for 15 years now. Granted we’ve been growing apart for a number of years now, but this is like the string being cut. Not to mention my friend Dan, being pissed off at me about this and who will probably be pissed off at me about this for a long time. It could very well ruin my friendship with him and I’ve know him just as long as Steve. 
Back in high school we were all like brothers. Now, things are way different and part of it really is my fault. 
This entry was posted in General.

0 thoughts on “The Wedding Situation

  1. Such is the nature of adult relationships that began in what was essentially childhood.  The things that tie us together as adolescents generally aren’t able to endure when taxed by the inexorable push-pull effects of life and change.  I have some friends from high school that I’m always happy to see when I just bump into them, but that’s about the extent of it…none of us actively seek one another out, and we were as brothers at one point.

    Truth is, I’m even hard-pressed to maintain relationships I began with people in my early 20s…I’m 37 now, and those ties no longer seem much more relevant than the ones from high school.

    It’s just the way it is.

  2. Dan doesn’t have a say in the matter. Doesn’t matter if you guys were like brothers (keyword: were). Friends grow up and grow apart, it’s only natural. Clearly, Steve feels the same way you do about your friendship, if he already said he didn’t think you would go in the first place. He doesn’t seem to expect you to. And that’s fine. You were invited and you have a right to say no. There is no “you must go or die!” thing here.

    I think it’s awfully nice that you would still send a gift, most people wouldn’t even do that.

  3. Meh it happens, and  I disagree it is not your fault. Life moves on people grow and change, Hawaii to live and work in as a teacher no less is shit! (serious I grew up there and finally left when I was ready to leave behind what I knew).

    Some people feel like the other person has to make more effort to contact them before they reach out and open up even if you have known each other for a while.
    I am sure he understands that you have a family to support now and that it is different, as his life is too no longer an innocent carefree as it was back in the day.

    All you can really do is try and cherish the memories that you had.
    At least you are trying to be there by sending a gift when you can to show that you care.

Leave a Reply