Symbolic Dream

Years ago I dated a girl who was my first real love. She was my high school sweetheart and we dated from age 17 until age 22. I walked away from that relationship fucked up and a year after had my first panic attack which changed me forever since. First loves and losses of that love are a hard lesson we learn in life.

Last night I had a dream about her, as I sometimes do from time to time. In this dream, her and I were about 22 again and there was some sort of weird military stage show we went to. Apparently the two of us had broken up for three years and had just gotten back together somehow. We had started watching this stage show when we broke up but never finished it, now we were finishing the show as we were back together.

The weird part is that throughout the dream I played two versions of myself and I was aware of this in the dream. One part of me would stop and watch as the other part would run up to her and kiss her and grab her hand and run off to window to show her something.  I would watch her and myself and how happy we were together and I would feel a sense of envy even though I knew it was myself I was watching.

I remember standing leaned against a wall watching the two of them (her and myself) and telling some guy about this dual experience. He told me I should go and combined myself. To go and become one with myself again. So I walked over to myself, turned around and held my arms out to my side as if I were Christ on the cross and I fell back into my other self. Accept I didn’t. The two of us collided as two people smacking into each other and not com binding. This followed by the quick thought that we are not the same two people as I had believed, and then I woke up.

So what does this dream mean to me?
Well immediately upon waking I took it as symbolism for the two people that I have been in my life. The person before my panic attacks and the person I have become after them.

But this is a divide I created in my own mind. I know I am still and always was the same person. Thinking back I remember having feelings of anxiety long before I ever met her, and even today I act similar to how I did when I was with her. So I know I am still the same person, yet my subconscious still creates with divide as if I am a different person now then I used to be and this dream is an example of that.

I wonder how I can get my subconscious and my logical mind to sync up and realize this.

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0 thoughts on “Symbolic Dream

  1. I really can’t comment on this one!  Guess this is that dream you wouldn’t talk to me about… Dreams are dreams.  Sometimes they mean something and sometimes they don’t.

  2. Often-times people in dreams are symbolic, and they don’t actually represent themselves, they usually represent whatever like… themes… or ideas you have around the person? i think you’re probably right about how you interpreted your two selves… But she probably represented love to you, and what it was like to be in love. (or it could be the opposite? it could be fears about break-ups or something). So maybe it was a message from your subconscious sort of like, “You want to feel that way now…” or something. What kept you separate? Like… why didn’t you join the other half of yourself? Because if you were doing it consciously… it could mean that you’re hesitant to let yourself be in whatever situation your ex represents for you…

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