Sharing Sexual Fantasies with your Significant Other

During sex
Girlfriend: “Are you thinking about that girl’s ass in the spandex pants we saw at the bookstore?”
Me: “No”
Girlfriend: “I am. I wanted you to pound her”

The Result: I couldn’t help thinking about how hot my girlfriend is.

I’ve been in relationships where I’ve been afraid to tell my significant other about other people I find attractive. And the idea of saying something during sex would have been even more off limits and would have lead to a major argument. With Melissa it’s different. We’re open with each other. I think we have a very mature point of view on sex, relationships and love. There is a difference between fantasy and reality. Not all fantasies should become realities and sometimes the fantasies alone are more powerful and better then the reality.

Now the two of us don’t go around all the time making comments about other people or fantasies. Too often would be too much I think. There is a balance that needs to be created. But we both realize we are human and people are attracted to a lot of different types of people for a lot of different reasons. I know she looks at other people and so do I. I can acknowledge when another guy is hot or has a particular part of his body that is good looking and she can do the same with women. If she sees a girl in a bookstore wearing spandex pants with a nice ass, her thinking is “I think that’s hot so I know he will too”. I’m the same way. Trying to deny your significant other their natural thoughts and where their mind sways is impossible. Condemning them for it is even more ridiculous. Saying nothing is possible and sometimes respectful. But if you’re not open enough to be able to recognize these things with each other, do you really know and accept the one you love?

0 thoughts on “Sharing Sexual Fantasies with your Significant Other

  1. My husband and I are the same way. He laughs because usually I’m the one always pointing out the beautiful women. I think every couple should have a relationship like that.

  2. My SO is too embarrassed to talk to me about that, even though I asked him to. It really tears me up, but I don’t think there’s anything else I can do. That alone is not worth ending the relationship over.

    “But we both realize we are human and people are attracted to a lot of different types of people for a lot of different reasons.”
    Not all people. Over the past three years, I’ve literally only been attracted to one guy. I can look at a beautiful person and acknowledge that he/she is beautiful. I would probably even look longer than I would look at an unattractive person. But for me, that’s aesthetic, not sexual. (I’ll blog about it later, if you’re curious more about this distinction.)

  3. @roxics – I’m not denying something that makes me feel guilty. I literally have never felt the urge to have sex with anyone else since I’ve been with my SO. I have never looked at a guy in the last three years and thought “wow, he’s hot.” I simply haven’t – what reason would I have to lie on the internet about that?

    Furthermore, I said that I do recognize that he finds other people attractive. I can’t really understand it, because I don’t feel it myself. But I don’t need to understand it, if he would just be honest with me about it and when it happens. And I have ASKED him to do that. And the fact that he is still too embarrassed about it to share it with me is what upsets me.

    I think you misunderstood my comment.

  4. It really is all about trust.  If I didn’t trust my SO, I really wouldn’t point out beautiful women.  It would be more like… Hey go have sex with her… that’s not the case with my SO (YOU).  I trust you more than anyone, and because of my own sexuality, I feel safe enough to point out the people I feel attractive to.  If two people do not know each other or trust each other completely, then the insecurities flourish.  

    @la_faerie_joyeuse –   A long time ago, in a far away fantasy, I used to be like you.  I would feel terribly guilty for looking or being attracted to someone else.  However I feel I have matured and found an elightenment most do not have… I am only human.  It is natural for the human being to appreciate beauty in all it’s forms.  Sometimes it’s sexual and sometimes it is not.  I think it is denying one’s self to say that they only find one person attractive.  There really is nothing wrong with it.  As long as it’s just a mire fantasy and nothing else.  There is only one man in my life and that is how I like it.  Just because I find other men/women attractive does NOT mean I want to sleep with them.  Also recognizing the fact that your mate/SO finds others attractive as well helps the relationship and also gives stability in your mind.

  5. @la_faerie_joyeuse –   I would like to say, that I did not mean any offense, and I still don’t… I just don’t believe that in three years you have NOT found anyone else sexually attractive or remotely attractive at all.  Like I said previously, I used to feel that way too.  However I secretly denied it that I did find other people attractive.  I feel that maybe the reason your SO feels embarrassed is because you have expressed that you do not find others attractive and he’s afraid to hurt your feelings because he does.  

    I don’t feel I misunderstood your comment at all, because I too have been there.  

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