Open relationships and guys

This entry stems from a comment I made here.

As a man, an open relationship seems like the best of both worlds; love with one special person and sex with multiple partners.

I know that open relationships work for some couples. I’ve read about them. But I just don’t think the reality of such a thing would work for me. I’ve never been a guy who has attracted all the ladies. I guess it’s because I’m quiet if I don’t really know you well. Nor do I have a lot to say about everything. I’m not the type to just chime in about whatever you’re talking about. Also throughout my relationship history, my girlfriends female friends have never really liked me all that much. I don’t know why.

It’s for these reasons that my partner count is so low even though my sex drive is so high. 

I’ve really only hit it off with certain ladies and usually they have become my girlfriend for an extended period of years. 

With all of that said, being in an open relationship for me would be hell. I’d be out failing left and right while my girlfriend is scoring anyone she sets her eyes on. Because let’s face it. Even a fairly attractive women can get meaningless sex anytime she wants. All she has to do is be brave enough to say she wants it. It would really fuck with my ego and I would feel like Im sharing my girlfriend and not getting anything in return. I would basically feel like a fucking chump. Like I’m less of a man because I can’t get any side pussy myself, but I’m cool with every Tom, Dick and Harry boning my girl.

I would be jealous and envious and I totally admit it’s a selfish thing. Because if I could score as much as she could, I’d be all about it. But I know that wouldn’t be the reality.

I also just can’t see where either of us would find the time. We don’t live together and only see each other a few days a week as is. Work and other things take up the rest of our time. So I don’t know where we would even fit in the time to find new partners without sacrificing our time together. At which point, why even be together? Why not just be single and be fuck buddies once every week or two? That doesn’t work. It’s much harder to transition of relationship of love where you have been together for years as partners and then suddenly you’d just fuck buddies. Those never last more than a couple months and ten you never see each their again and the love part gets forgotten. It’s basically breakup fucking while you transition out of being in love with each other. 

All of that said, I think open relationships only work for people who are highly personable and who would otherwise find themselves in a lot of cheating situations if it weren’t for the fact that they opened up their relationship to make these situations acceptable. I also think they would have to start that relationship that way or live together and have a lot of free time to find partners. But more than anything, for most guys to be cool with it, I would think that he would need to be getting just as much action as she was.

Just my two cents.




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0 thoughts on “Open relationships and guys

  1. Makes a lot of sense. I always forget to consider the shy people when I formulate my little personal hypotheses about social theory. I’ve been in an open relationship a few times, and it worked just fine with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that we both agree upon before hand. It works for me because I’m an incredibly outgoing person, so getting laid isn’t all that hard for me. As far as what my girlfriend is doing… I like to think “out of sight, out of mind” on that one. Although I was with one girl who liked to tell me about her exploits and hear about mine – it was kind of our kinky thing. Bah, I’m rambling.

    It’s not like it’s a big issue, as most people who want a SERIOUS relationship don’t want it to be open. My open relationships were with women who I knew (and they knew) would only be in my life for a month or three.

  2. I couldn’t have an open relationship for many of the reasons you’ve stated here. Plus, I’m not sure that I’m emotionally mature enough for something like this. Maybe once I’m older I could experiment, but right now, it’s just not something I find attractive.You might like the book “The Ethical Slut.”

  3. The idea of an open relationship is foreign to me. If you want to be with other people, why be in a relationship? None of it fits at all into my paradigm of no sex outside of marriage, either. I’m just glad I have my wife; I don’t need to worry about “having game” or whatever, and she makes all other women unappealing by comparison. I also never have to worry about her getting with anyone else.

  4. I could never do an open relationship. I know myself too well, I’d probably emotionally shut myself down to avoid getting hurt. And if that’s the case, what’s the point of a relationship? I agree, wholeheartedly, with this post!

  5. an open relationship…hmmm….that seems like too much work…you will actually have to make that person think that you care, or at least a little to keep them around. i couldn’t do it myself.

    my current boyfriend is very protective over me. i think it is because he has cheated on me in the past and he is not comfortable with himself being overweight and whatever else is in his head. every single time i get a text he asks who it is….or who is calling me…etc. it is really fucking annoying. i have been nothing but faithful to him our entire relationship. he is the one who fucked it up from the beginning. i regret not doing the right thing and leaving him when i knew it was going on. i don’t know what was wrong with me. i was young but that’s no excuse for me not to have any self respect. i think the whole being taken advantage of thing really ruined me. emotionally. gone.

    sexual intercourse is a really dirty thing, especially if you don’t know who that person has been with. i have never even thought about being with another person until a couple years after…and finding out that he was with multiple people. it just made me feel disgusting inside and out. what did i do wrong. why did i give up my virginity to this man..and why did he break my heart…maybe there were no emotions involved with his sex partners when he was with me. he told me that he loved me…but how can you actually prove that to someone. people throw the word love around like hello & goodbye. it pretty much makes me sick to my stomach.

    and i don’t know why i just told you and the world my personal business. i stand strong, i suppose. cheers to fist fights and stilettoes.

  6. @sheshe143 –  Lol. Hey it’s ok to open up. Sounds like it really hurt you. Hope you get that sorted out. 

    I don’t feel the same as you do about other partners. It’s not dirty to have previous partners, it’s part of human nature and most people aren’t walking around carrying diseases. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protect yourself. But you should get to know the person and trust them before having sex with them.

  7. I will have to write a post on this topic some time,  *Smiles*

    Although it would be a rather obscenely long post.
    I liked your post though,  You were rather honest about how you would feel.  A trait I admire,  people who can look inward and identify things like this about themselves.
    I am interested in how your Social Networking site is doing.  The premise of it sounds noteworthy, and I did take the time to visit your About page for it.  I don’t think I could leave Xanga though.  I have Facebook, but the only reason I don’t think I could live without it right now, isn’t for the ability to keep in touch with friends.  It is solely for the migratory sign in abillites they have recently added.  I LOVE the ability to use one website to log into so many other websites.  BEST feature ever invented.  *Smiles*  Other then that, the only place I express my thoughts, and feelings, is here.

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