Man Problems

So you know how it happens. You’re in the grocery store and you’ve already gotten your things and you’re headed to the front. That’s when you spot the cute 18 year old cashier who happens to be ringing up another cute 18 year old girl. So you jump in that line completely oblivious to everything else. You’re not going to hit on the cashier, you just want her to wait on you. Maybe because you’re entire life the cute girls like that never paid any attention to you, or maybe you just feel like it.

She’s almost done with the girl in front of you and you’re next up, that’s when you suddenly notice the fat old snaggle toothed lady in the next lane with the six foot wide ass waving you over because she’s open. For a brief second you ignore her. Then she waves you over again and it’s obvious to everyone you’ve noticed her. What the hell do you do? For fuck sake I’m not getting out of this line just so the pervert guy behind me can get waited on by this cute little cashier while I go deal with Brunhilde over there. Fuck that! I was here first. I didn’t come this far and this close just to be swept away by miss fat ass over there. It’s not even about the god damn kool-aid, peanut butter and ramen noodles anymore! It’s about the principle of it. But what do you do?

If you tell the lady you’re fine where you’re at you’ve just given away your position. Now she and the cute little cashier know what you’re up to. Fuck! What do you do! What do you do! Think quick. So you turn to the old wretch and you say “I need a pack of cigarettes” to which the old bitch begins to flirt with you and say “no you’re not old enough” until you finally give her a look that says “yes I am, get me a god damn pack of cigarettes”. She begins to move her fat ass and you know it’s going to take her 45 minutes to get over there by which time the girl in front of you has paid and the cute little cashier turns to you not knowing if you’re staying or going and you say “ring me up, I guess she’s getting me a pack of cigarettes.” Cute cashier smiles and begins to ring you up. Problem solved. Victory! Go home, you’re a winner!    

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0 thoughts on “Man Problems

  1. Haha, this happens to me occasionally at Noodles & Co.  There is a very cute male cashier, and I generally try to time it so that I end up ordering from him.  I’m usually with a group of friends, so I can sometimes say, “oh, you can go in front of me” if someone else’s register is open first =)

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