Having talked with, dated and read many a womans opinions on this matter. Many generally give the same point of view while in relationship with their SO .
“I should be the only thing you desire”
Or phrased differently
“I want to be the only one you desire”
Or any number of other wording that means basically the same thing.
This is a womans desire, but this is not an accurate reality of a mans mind. Yet at the same time it’s the cause of so much conflict in relationships to various scales and degrees.
Men desire variety. It doesn’t matter if you’re the hottest girl the world has ever seen, eventually your mans eyes are going to wander. It just really depends on how far. It could be porn, it could be women he sees in his daily life, it could be full out cheating. That all depends on the guy.
But I’ll tell you one thing. It’s not a healthly relationship if he’s afraid to express interest in other woman. Even if it’s not spoken of, if he’s afraid to watch porn, or glace at another girl in public because of your reaction, that’s just not healthy. Nor is it healthy for a woman to expect that her man desire no one else but her. That’s just completely unrealistic. You live in a fantasy fairy tale land if you think that’s the case.
If you think your man only desires you, you’re lying to yourself. If you ask him and he tells you that he only desires you, he’s lying to you. I have never met a man in my 30 years on this earth who has not at least thought about and desired other women when he is with another one.
Either he’s going to take out his desires in fantasy form when he’s fucking you, or when he’s watching porn, or by cheating on you or leaving you for someone else.
There is a difference between looking at other women through whatever means and cheating. The first I’m okay with. In fact, I’d be worried if he didn’t. The second though? Is never okay in my book, especially if I’m okay with him looking at other women.
This is true, however, I think women lie just the same. We don’t bluntly admit that we desire other men because we know men need to be needed. Some men are sometimes sensitive to the fact that their woman likes sex and desires it with “new” people. This is probably the main reason women hide the fact that we desire other men. Acting on the desires is the problem. Actually “having” them is not. We are all human and we like attractive things and every once in a while, we think about how it may feel, or react, ect….
Now, the problem also occurs when the women has self confidence issues or trust issues. If she feels that the man she is with is untrustworthy, and he’s scoping around, than she feels that there really isn’t anything to stop him.
This all boils down to trust, communication and understanding. We all need to understand our differences. When talking to your SO, find out his desires and us women need to be confident that it may just be a simple fantasy. We have to find our inner selves and communicate in a clear manner what we need and want in a relationship. Understanding our differences can be shocking and can result in our differences aren’t so different after all…
Congratulations, you’ve now met a man that desires only one woman.
Certainly, there are other attractive females out there but that does not mean that my thoughts manifest to the point that I would want to pursue them, nor do I envision them when I’m with her.
Men can be overly faithful to one person but we are few and far between and quite often taken, for just that reason.
My boyfriend and I have always been open about attractions to other people. We both have a thing for asian women. We can be walking through a mall and I’ll say “Did you see that chick in the blue shirt?” And he’ll say “Oh God yes, I was just thinking that.”
We’re also comfortable watching porn together, or by ourselves. I’m really hoping that this is enough variety for him, since we haven’t had sex in over a month for medical reasons.
@SladeTheGreyFox – Somehow I think you’re lying to yourself or trying to gain points with the women here. Most guys who say they are like this are usually repressed by religion.
@lizheartshakespeare – I agree with you. I know this entry spawned out of another entry I read where a woman was saying she viewed porn as cheating and her man should only desire her. I’ve heard both of these things said alot but many women. So this post is here to say “hey, you can’t expect a guy to be like that”. Not expecting him to cheat is a different story though.
@jewjewbeedragon – I agree with you. I think a lot of women are probably like this. I also agree with your assesment of a lot of guys. It’s true of most of humanity. We are a jealous race. But the idea that we should expect any person to desire only us is rather fantasy bound.
@Lulabell_88 – For most men, that would be enough variety. I don’t think most guys are out there looking to cheat or anything. But some of them can get to that point if they feel repressed enough and can’t express their true feelings.
Just because a guy likes variety doesn’t mean he can’t settle down and be faithful. But if you catch him watching porn and checking out other women, don’t be surprised. (I know you won’t, this is a message to everyone else). Sounds like your relationship is pretty healthy.
@roxics – LOL! I’m the most unreligious person, short of atheists, that you could ever meet. Sure I believe in God but I certainly don’t take the Bible literally or anything. But yes, I could see how you might think that I was lying to myself. For the record, after divorcing myself from a person that was incapable of reciprocating the love I had for them, I found someone that loves me just as much as I love them. It’s a balance, you see, that actually MAKES me want to not look. Ever get into a really good book that you just can’t put down? It’s like that. Granted books have endings, but the idea in relationships to work together to KEEP it interesting. People fail to realize this and that’s when eyes and thoughts start to wander. So, you’re not wrong that men will naturally gravitate towards that which is most interesting at the time but in my case I have no desire to wander.
“desire” is a strong word to use. i’d say more like “attraction” by best.
i don’t think my boyfriend “desires” other women, but i know he is attracted to other girls. we can talk openly about attractions, sure, we might get a slight bump of jealously..but that just fades, because it’s whatever.
i think it’s always a good thing, that you can talk openly about anything with your SO.
xo
Hmm. I agree with you that most men have these tendencies (but I disagree where you say “all” do), and I agree that communication should always be encouraged.
With any relationship, you’re joining together with a person… faults, idiosyncrasies, oddities, all of it. Embrace it. Variety is the spice of life.