Confessions of a bisexual male

So as some of you may know I am bisexual. Now when I say bisexual, I don’t just mean I’m attracted to both genders, although that is true. It means I’ve also had sexual escapades with both genders.

Bisexuality is a natural thing. It’s a fluid thing. It doesn’t always mean the same thing for everyone. It can change from person to person or even within the individual themselves. Many bisexuals will have days where they are more attracted to one sex then another. Or it may be that they have a constant attraction to one sex and a waxing and waining attraction to the other. That’s how it works for me. I’m always attracted to females, but I have my days/weeks where certain types of guys are very attractive.
Then there are other bisexuals who have a consistent 50/50 attraction to either gender. As I said, it’s a fluid thing and the term bisexual is really just a broad description.

It is generally more acceptable in our society for females to be bisexual. When a guy claims he is bisexual he often gets negative remarks from both sides of the gender line. Other guys become unsure of him and uncomfortable around him. Women seem to look at it as a weakness, perhaps afraid that it’s just a stepping stone to him claiming he’s full out gay.

What I’ve found interesting is that the gay community isn’t completely clued in on bisexuals either. If you ask, many gay people are just as prejudice against bisexuals as straight people are. They consider bisexuals ‘sluts’ and tell them to ‘get off the fence’. They also view many bisexual men as just closeted gay men. Perhaps this is because they themselves took this route before coming completely out of the closet. But the truth is, most bisexual men (or women) are just that, bisexual. They aren’t going to ever claim to be gay, because they aren’t.

Now I won’t say that a female claiming to be bisexual has it easy either. There are many prudish people around who will look down on her as well. Then of course there are those girls who like to kiss and rub on each other in public for the attention. Whether they are actually bisexual or not. I’m personally not against this activity, but guys don’t get the same kind of reaction when they do this. I’m just a little curious why.

I have read that chemically and biologically, females are more prone to being bisexual. Males on the other hand are more hard wired to be either hetero or homosexual. This may very well be true. If that’s the case then us male bisexuals are a rare commodity. But I’m not sure I do believe that. I think this is based more on social programming then any kind of hard wiring. I have met several bisexual males. So if we were rare, I’d think I wouldn’t have met as many.

Personally I think bisexual people are some of the most interesting people. I also believe they have the most progressive points of view on sexuality.

As a bisexual male, it doesn’t make me feel less male. In fact I feel even more male as a result of it.

0 thoughts on “Confessions of a bisexual male

  1. Awesome post I totally agree with what you are saying, and to come right out and talk about this (When you’re a man) is even more admiring.

    I knew there was a reason why you were so good looking. lol

  2. Bisexual pride :D
    Its true, bisexual men do carry more of a stigma than bisexual females. Its strange but predictable at the same time.

    Great post. =]

  3. As I am ever expanding my understanding of human sex, gender identity & sexuality, it is clear that labels like “male & female”, “heterosexual and homosexual” are totally inadequate.  Human beings instead have many widely varying genders and sexual orientations.

  4. You make it seem so normal.  Which is lovely, because it is normal, not crazed or wrong or sick, but normal.  It’s nice to read it in a tone devoid of vitriol.  So, thanks for accepting yourself (and everyone around you, it sounds like). It’s a beautiful thing.

  5. Interesting you say? A close relative of mine is bisexual… and he’s about as non-social as you can get with a head too full of numbers to look up and notice anything else. It’s one of those odd things, when you find out someone you know and love isn’t straight. It changed how I think about the whole subject and taught me an important lesson in compassion.

  6. I’m bisexual in the same way that you are, sort of. My attraction to males is pretty concrete, but my attraction to females is more casual. I’ve never had a relationship or done anything sexual with a female, but I am sexually attracted to them. It’s just harder for me to open up to woman on more than an attraction basis.

    This is a great post – thanks for making it seem so… normal. Because it really isn’t that weird. I think it’s more weird to box yourself in one way or the other, but that’s just me.

  7. I too believe that bisexuality is normal.  The jury is still out considering if it’s fluid or not.  I’m one of the bisexuals where it’s 50/50 100% of the time.  However, my difference is I will not date someone of the same sex. 

  8. in my opinion love doesnt have a gender and u cant help who u fall in love with. I think it is completely normal because there isnt a doubt in my mind that homosexuals and hetrosexuals have at some point in time wondered what it was like to be on the otherside.. and i think there is nothing wrong with exploring that curiousity.. we are after all.. human  

  9. Thanks for this.  I don’t think a lot of people realize a lot of this, or they are voluntarily ignorant (and often hostile).  I am straight, but I have met bisexual people, and I try to be open-minded about such things.  I can see how this would be hard for you, with all of the stigma associated with being anything but heterosexual.

    I think it is hard to tell if one particular gender has more proficiency to be bisexual than the other, just because of how gender roles play such a huge part in our society.  I think the results may have been skewed by the fact that males who are bisexual may have a harder time admitting it (or even realizing it, for that matter) because of all the taboos in our society.

    Thank you for helping to open my eyes.

  10. @gsmith03 - To be honest with you, it’s never really been that hard for me. So I can’t really play that card. I’ve gotten a couple of remarks but they haven’t been anything really bad, mostly friends making jokes. But it’s rolled off me and I’ve laughed with them. Maybe a couple of comments from some gay guys. That’s about it. 

    . Generally most people wouldn’t know any different. I usually have a girlfriend. I have a 5 year old son. I was maried to a women once, I check out women and make sexual comments about them with my friends. But my past includes some sexual fun with a few guys and I find certain guys attractive. It’s pretty much non eventful.
    It might be different for other bisexual guys. But I think most of use play things pretty close to the chest. We might not be in the closet, but you don’t go around yelling it into the sky either. 

  11. @roxics – It is very different where I live.  I live in the Bible Belt, so around here people receive quite a lot of flack when they “come out” about being homosexual or bisexual.  Though there may be many like you who aren’t obviously bi (or perhaps are straight most of the time) that I don’t realize.

  12. I’m bi too, in the same way you are – I’m always attracted to guys, but there is the odd girl I go crazy for.  I had (and maybe still have) the hugest crush on my high school best friend, and I loved her so much but I’m pretty sure she’s completely straight.  I never told her so I guess I’ll never know.

    The main barrier to me getting involved with a girl is meeting someone I know is into girls – it’s not easy to tell who is bi/les and I wouldn’t want to mess up a friendship by asking.  I’m a little shy I guess.

  13. I had a sociology of sexuality class once and our professor was bisexual. She addressed this very same problem in her lectures. I did not know that there was such a stigma attached to it, but you are right. We are fluid in our sexuality and should stop with the labels…great post and thank you for sharing. 

  14. “I think this is based more on social programming then any kind of hard wiring.”

    There is a middle ground here–neither hardwiring or social programming. Instead, a psychological “software” (for lack of a better term) to accompany the “hardware” (human brain) is at work in determining sexual orientation in some individuals. Emotional-philosophical connections can occur between any humans regardless of sex. But there is a general psychological complementary system between the hardwired, concrete facts that isn’t socially programmed (arbitrary) and it isn’t genetically set.

    Personally, I believe female bisexuality is a more natural and understandable case–there is a strange type of narcissism that women have toward themselves and each other as embodying human sexuality. Heterosexual men have the same psychological state–they also view women as embodying pure human sexuality. It is homosexual and bisexual men who exist in a much more marginalized place in human sexuality–they depart entirely from the natural human psychological state with regard to sexuality. Which is fine. It just makes less sense than any other orientation–which are at their base, part of the normal psychological state. And so I think bisexual and homosexual men might face more shit than others, which isn’t right, but that is how it is when an individual lives as part of a fringe.

  15. @tjordanm - I think it has alot to do with hormones and their effect on the human brain. We know for a fact that hormones effects the gender of the person both physically and mentally. This can easily be seen in transgendered people who take hormones to change their physical bodies. Such as the case of men changing into women. But what we also notice is that many times, even if the male-female transgender was attracted to females before, after their transition they will likely still keep taht attraction, but they will also develop a stronger attraction toward men. As they are now a female themselves. 

    But, the older a person gets the less effective the hormones are on the body. Which is why during an embryo stage the chromozones and hormones effect the gender of the child. But what we’ve also learned is that during the development stage the embryo is “washed” by different hormones at different times. This is what in turn effects the human mind to where some people are born with basically a female brain in a male body or vice versa. Pretty much any combination is possible if the right amount of chemical hormone washes changes or varies in intensity. 
    I think something to the same effect determines a personsons sexual orientation. It could very well be that bisexual males have higher levels of estrogen and/or progestogen in their system. This study seems to point in that direction.
    If this is true then both sexuality and gender really are fluid and based on the chemical makeup of an individual depending on their balance of said chemicals at different stages of development as well as throughout their life.
    Furthermore. Since we know that all embryos are basically female to begin with until given a y chromosone, it also makes sense in some way that females would be more fluid to change or fluxuation (variations in sexuality). This is just a guess based on my own observations. But it seems likea good guess.
    I will agree with you, based on all of this, that it would seem that female sexual fluxuation would “seem” more natural being taht they are the basis and starting point for all genders and sexuality.


  16. Marvelpus post :D I definitely enjoyed reading it. As I bisexual female I personally have or had no problem whatsoever admitting it. That being said bisexuality in girls is widely a Lot more accepted then bisexuality amoungst men; I really do not understand this stigma. I see it as kind of redundant to put such labels on sex and sexuality. Human beings are sexual creatures, it makes little sense to me how people can judge someone on their sexuality either.

    Once again Amazing post!

  17. I once read that a guy who likes other guys is more masculine than a straight guy. See, gay or bisexual men enjoy the masculinity of other men. They’re men…and they want more men. Straight men, on the other hand, want delicate, long-haired, smooth-skinned beautiful women. They desire femininity. Wouldn’t it make sense that a man who seeks masculinity in his partner is more masculine than a man who delights in feminine charms? 

  18. Good thoughts here. It’s frustrating to see how polarised both sides are, hetero- and homosexual. If you aren’t in line with the gays you’re a freak among freaks, and if you aren’t attracted solely to women you’re one of those queers to the straights. It’s so aggrevating. I think to an extent it’s easier (I say this with great care, mind you) for women to be bisexual or lesbian; but there’s so much pressure for guys to conform to the norm; to be straight. There’s more tolerance than there used to be but America is still not anywhere near what it should be in accepting this. At least you’re honest with yourself and are comfortable with the fluidity of your sexuality. The guys who are uncomfortable around bi’s are those who buy into the whole macho mythos, or are afraid of admitting their own same-sex attraction, either to themselves or to others. Personally, I’m into guys. I don’t broadcast this by any means any more than your average heterosexual guy goes around screaming “I’M STRAIGHT AND PROUD OF IT!! WOMEN!!

    Add to that the fact that I’m a Christian makes for an interesting dichotomy.

    @nexthorizon – I would say yes, for sure! I’m not into effeminate dudes. Some gays are and that’s their thing. But personally, men who are comfortable with their physiology and psychology are okay with admitting that they like that in other guys are way more masculine (and attractive). The funny thing is that when I was finally able to admit that to myself, I felt so much more like a man than before when I was fighting that part of my nature. And it takes way bigger of a man to admit that he’s gay or bi out loud than those who live conforming to the status quo.

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