Xanga at times feels like a single organism. A topic comes up featured and people reply and then it spreads like a wildfire. Others blog about the topic themselves, giving their own lengthy opinions. That’s what I’m about to do here.
Cheating is one of those things that has always seemed wrong to me. I’m happy to say I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve been with. But… can I say that? There is one time about 7 months ago when my girlfriend and I were at a gay pride festival with my gay friend Dan. We were in a packed bar. I was tipsy from taking my first shot of tequila ever in my life. I had walked up to the bar to get a drink for my girlfriend and I, (she was with my friend Dan on the patio) and a couple of drunk gay guys where standing with me. One of them grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I pulled away, waited for a second, turned around and there was some girl in front of me and I pecked her on the lips and walked away. I don’t know why I did it, part of me wants to say it was to show the gay guys I wasn’t gay. It wasn’t like I had been checking the girl out or anything or even planned it in the slightest. But I really don’t know why I did it, even so, that’s the only thing I can think of as to why I did it. It’s also the closest I’ve ever come to cheating.
Today my views on cheating are still generally negative. If I ever had a girlfriend cheat on me I didn’t know it. At least physically cheat on me I mean. My ex wife did cheat on me emotionally with one of my old friends. The two of them would spend hours on the phone together and she said she didn’t like talking on the phone around me, which is why she always left the room. Only to discover later on that it was only when she was talking to him. She claims she never did anything physical with him until after we split up, but honestly I don’t believe her. At the time I did. But I think I was just being naive.
As for me cheating. I wish I could say I was some great moral pillar that would never budge. But honesty I really don’t know. The truth is, I’ve never been confronted with the option to cheat. Generally speaking women don’t seem that interested in me. I’ve spent a good deal of time wondering why that is. My girlfriend tells me it’s because I’m quiet. That must be it. I’m not the type of person that is really loud and outspoken at get together’s. I don’t just blurt out whatever comes to mind. I can be a great conservationist in a one on one conversation and I can even be witty and funny in small groups. But in a loud bar setting, unless I’m hammered and around a group of people I know, I’m a little more reserved.
So that said, if some attractive girl were to be all over me, interested in me, I’m not sure what I would do. I’ve never gotten that kind of attention from girls before when I was in a relationship with someone else. I rarely got it when I was single. I’ll be honest I’m a little envious of those guys average guys that seem to have girls crawling all over each other to get the guys attention. So if I were to get that kind of attention myself, would I cheat? I don’t know, maybe I would. Maybe I would do it just because I’ve never gotten that kind of attention before, or maybe I would get freaked out not knowing what to do and walk away. It’s a little scary. It’s scary that I feel like I don’t know what my reaction would be.
I wish I could say I would never do it. Generally speaking I don’t think I would. I think the girl would have to be really attractive in that girl-next-door kind of way and literally hanging all over me throwing herself at me before I’d even considered it. Otherwise I think I would have my wits about me. Considering this has never happened to me and I’m 30 years old today, I think my girlfriend is safe. But does that make me a good guy or a possible asshole in the making?
It makes you a guy who wants to be good but recognizes he’s human. That’s what I think anyway.
I, too, thought I’d never cheat. Then I found myself in what I thought was a hopeless situation, somehow convinced myself the only way out was to cheat and so I did. I regret doing it. I don’t think there is any excuse for having done it. I do think it can be understandable without it being excused. *shrug*
And, by the way, (not at all meaning this in the trying to tempt you way) I think you are hot from the pics I’ve seen and I find your writing very intellectual which to me is sexy. I also think quiet guys are the best, I never go after the loud mouths. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. There are probably equally as quiet girls wishing they could throw themselves at you and just don’t know how.
Just my two cents.
Well… I’ve never cheated and I KNOW I never will. The only reason I know this is because even in a horrible relationship, I’ve turned down the opportunities to cheat. I walk away from situations that can open the door to cheating. It is morally wrong and I like keeping my track record.
My formula to keeping infidelity away from my relationship (on my side of course) is to always keep in mind how the other person would feel. I believe in “doing on to others as you want done to yourself”, so to keep myself from being a hypocrite, I keep the other’s feelings in mind.
I don’t think you would be an asshole. Of course if it were to happen, I would feel differently, however I know your back ground and I know your feelings on the matter. Although, if you were to cheat, there is nothing there to resolve. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. If that trust is fully broken by infidelity, there would be no reason to stay in the relationship. My only hope is that you (and others) keep the one you “love” in your mind and do not cheat and create such pain in someone.
I don’t see the point of cheating, personally. Why be with someone if you want to have sex and/or are emotionally attached to someone else? Makes no sense to me. I would much rather hurt the person by leaving them then having them found out that I cheated on them. Thats just wrong.
I couldnt cheat. I’m a faithful person. Hell, I don’t even have sex dreams about other guys.
Xo
I think it makes you honest. You could mull over the hypothetical situations all day and still not come up with a concrete answer because sometimes we don’t know how we’ll react until we’re in the thick of things. I don’t think that makes you “a possible asshole in the making”. If it does, then most people are probably in the same boat.
@repressedwriter – Well thank you for the compliment. As for those girls who might be thinking that. I really don’t know because I’ll never find out. Which is kind of the point, I’ve never been put in that situation by girls like that or any type. Yet I’ve seen plenty of girls come right out and be all over other guys that aren’t single. So that still makes me wonder, why aren’t they that forward and outspoken with me?
@jewjewbeedragon – I agree with you. That’s a really a good rule of thumb. Think about how the other person would feel. But as much as I might like to say I’d take the moral high ground, in those kinds of situations even if someone was thinking about how the other person might feel, their own sense of curiousity and lust might trump that. Plus it depends on how they feel about the person they’re with. Had I ever been offered the chance when I was with my ex wife I would have been all over the other girl without thinking twice about it. But that relationship was miserable and I stayed mostly because of my son. I would have taken anything that would have provided me an out. But at the time I didn’t feel like I was worth anything to anyone else and nobody showed me otherwise.
@JessxMaxine – Well, that might be the case for some people. I guess I’m referring more to cheating situations that are more spur of the moment. In which case maybe you had never thought about sleeping with someone else but suddenly are presented with the chance right in front of you, there to take.
@roxics – I get (and got) your point. Girls like that make me wonder if they are really worth it? If they have to push themselves on guys so much, what are they are they saying about their own worth? *shrug*
And just to repsond to your other comment about your marriage- that was my situation when I caved. I was so run down and didn’t think my ex would care what I did…and if he did then maybe I could finally get out of the marriage.
wow i must be the girl version of you about this… i wonder the same thing sometimes. i’m quiet but i’m not bad looking and i dont have guys after me at all. but i do have a boyfriend. so i wonder if a guy that was appealing to me started showing interest in me, would i cheat on my boyfriend? i dont know because it hasn’t happened yet and i think cheating is wrong.. but yeah, exactly what you said.
i’m the exact way you are. i’d like to think i’d never cheat (i haven’t thus far and honestly can NOT see myself ever doing it) but you never know, we ARE human. and we do make mistakes sometimes.
i agree with @repressedwriter – when she said “It makes you a guy who wants to be good but recognizes he’s human.”
I think this makes you a good guy =) And definitely very strong. Happy birthday!
Every commenter here is a girl (‘cept for you) :p
I’m with everyone else in not being sure of anything.
It’s a very scary notion not knowing how your own mind would work in certain situations. I hold the same fear you do in this very same manner. I’ve never really had attractive guys physically advance on me in a one on one situation. It could be that I’m standoff-ish to all men (being in a serious relationship at this point) physically… ha, at least I’d like to tell myself that. I’m also very shy in large group settings, and hold in the witty comments for no real reason… just softspoken I guess. To get back on track here, I feel the same way about cheating as I do about killing someone in a self-defense situation. You know how you always watch those crazy movies where someone holds an innocent man at gunpoint for his wallet, but doesn’t know that person has a gun on their hip as well. I’d love to say that I’m heroic and would reach for that gun and make an exit wount I could stick a pole in. (hmm.. graphic), but I don’t know if I would. Just like I would love to say I would never engage in any means of sexual activity with another man in context… but I don’t know. Anyway good entry…sorry to say exactly what you just said in a slightly less dignified way. Cheers!