Xanga at times feels like a single organism. A topic comes up featured and people reply and then it spreads like a wildfire. Others blog about the topic themselves, giving their own lengthy opinions. That’s what I’m about to do here.
Cheating is one of those things that has always seemed wrong to me. I’m happy to say I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve been with. But… can I say that? There is one time about 7 months ago when my girlfriend and I were at a gay pride festival with my gay friend Dan. We were in a packed bar. I was tipsy from taking my first shot of tequila ever in my life. I had walked up to the bar to get a drink for my girlfriend and I, (she was with my friend Dan on the patio) and a couple of drunk gay guys where standing with me. One of them grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I pulled away, waited for a second, turned around and there was some girl in front of me and I pecked her on the lips and walked away. I don’t know why I did it, part of me wants to say it was to show the gay guys I wasn’t gay. It wasn’t like I had been checking the girl out or anything or even planned it in the slightest. But I really don’t know why I did it, even so, that’s the only thing I can think of as to why I did it. It’s also the closest I’ve ever come to cheating.
Today my views on cheating are still generally negative. If I ever had a girlfriend cheat on me I didn’t know it. At least physically cheat on me I mean. My ex wife did cheat on me emotionally with one of my old friends. The two of them would spend hours on the phone together and she said she didn’t like talking on the phone around me, which is why she always left the room. Only to discover later on that it was only when she was talking to him. She claims she never did anything physical with him until after we split up, but honestly I don’t believe her. At the time I did. But I think I was just being naive.
As for me cheating. I wish I could say I was some great moral pillar that would never budge. But honesty I really don’t know. The truth is, I’ve never been confronted with the option to cheat. Generally speaking women don’t seem that interested in me. I’ve spent a good deal of time wondering why that is. My girlfriend tells me it’s because I’m quiet. That must be it. I’m not the type of person that is really loud and outspoken at get together’s. I don’t just blurt out whatever comes to mind. I can be a great conservationist in a one on one conversation and I can even be witty and funny in small groups. But in a loud bar setting, unless I’m hammered and around a group of people I know, I’m a little more reserved.
So that said, if some attractive girl were to be all over me, interested in me, I’m not sure what I would do. I’ve never gotten that kind of attention from girls before when I was in a relationship with someone else. I rarely got it when I was single. I’ll be honest I’m a little envious of those guys average guys that seem to have girls crawling all over each other to get the guys attention. So if I were to get that kind of attention myself, would I cheat? I don’t know, maybe I would. Maybe I would do it just because I’ve never gotten that kind of attention before, or maybe I would get freaked out not knowing what to do and walk away. It’s a little scary. It’s scary that I feel like I don’t know what my reaction would be.
I wish I could say I would never do it. Generally speaking I don’t think I would. I think the girl would have to be really attractive in that girl-next-door kind of way and literally hanging all over me throwing herself at me before I’d even considered it. Otherwise I think I would have my wits about me. Considering this has never happened to me and I’m 30 years old today, I think my girlfriend is safe. But does that make me a good guy or a possible asshole in the making?