This was originally meant to be written as a reply to TheTheologiansCafe on his entry about bisexual women.But it got so long and would have been posted on the sexond page where no one would have seen it. So I post it here instead.
I used to believe most women are bisexual but I don’t think that’s the always true. I think a lot of people women AND men have an experimental streak in them. If society allows it to exist it will and it should. Since society is more excepting of it in women, it’s more common. But I bet that if you asked most women if they would be willing to marry and spend the rest of their life with another woman they would say no. A true bisexual would be open to that if they fell in love with the other person.
But even then, the word bisexual is confusing because of the word sexual in it. I think that’s an improper word to begin with because it can be taken two ways in modern culture. Either sexually or in terms of love and relationships. I think most full blown bisexuals would define it by the latter meaning. A choice between a relationship with a man or woman depending on how they feel about that person. In that case, bisexual is a bad way to describe them because they aren’t just in it for the sex. Likewise, someone who flips back anf forth just for the sex alone probably has a gender pole they learn toward for love and relationships where the other gender is purely just for fun. For instance a guy could be gay but experimental enough to have sex with women, even though he is only likely to fall in love with a man. I call this your prime bias. I don’t know if there is an actual scientific term that already exists. But for now I use prime bias as my way of describing the gender you are more like to learn toward for love and companionship.
I think for most people their prime bias is the opposite sex. Even for most people who call themselves “bisexual.” Becuase there are a lot of experimental people especially when they are younger. I know a couple of females who would probably call themselves bisexual but have married and had kids with a man. They are “bisexual” because they’ve had sex with women in the past and might possible have a threesome with their man and another women in the future. But ultimately they chose a man as their prime bias for a variety of reasons. Having children probably being a top reason but also because they are probably biased toward being more attracted to men in general.
The same is true with men. There are some men who are sexually open and experimental. They may or may not be attracted to men, but would be willing to do sexual things with a man. For some that might be letting another man suck them off so long as they don’t have to return the favor or do anything else. Or maybe they themselves want to suck another man off because they want to know what it’s like from a womans perspective but want nothing else. For others they might be willing to “top” another man for a variety of reasons such as dominance or just a desire to have sex and a man being the only person available. Or purely out of a sense of curiousity. But they are not likely to start a relationship or think anything more of it past that one or two experiences. Then there are men who are attracted to some men and fantasize about other men or even watch gay porn but would never do anything with a man in real life because once there in person they are just not attracted to guys. It’s only in fantasy.
But for men there comes a lot more social burden then there does for women these days. Women are less likely to want a man who is or has been sexual with other men. It’s not a turn on for most women like it is for many guys to see two women together. Plus other guys might call them gay or kick their ass. Or they might get a reputation for being gay even though they aren’t. Which could hurt their chances with potential women that might know people they know. So I think men are just as likely to be experimental, but are often held back by religious views and social views against it.
Human sexuality is all over the place. Which is why bisexual is such a fucked up word. It tries to encompass so much of the grey area that is sexually between totally straight and totally gay. While sometimes including just sex and sometimes love and sex. That’s why we’ve seen the emergance of words like bi-curious which is an equally screwed up word because what if a women has fucked another women 20 times but still wants to get married to a man and have kids? Is she still “curious” after that many experiences? Hell I would call her an old pro by that point.
So women are the same way. There are women who would kiss another woman or touch their breasts when drunk and looking to impress a guy but would never go down on another girl. There are women who play with a girlfriend totally naked, but are still looking for a boyfriend/husband.
Human beings are curious social creatures. If they aren’t impeded by some religious or social taboo about same sex relations they are likely to expeeriment. Especially when they are younger.
I just think “bisexual” is such a broad word for such a broad variety of sexual desires that it can be confusing just saying you are bisexual. I used to say that bisexuality is fluid because even depending on a persons likes and dislikes those can change day by day. I think a more accurate thing to say is that humanity is fluid. If you count every thought and every action someone has had toward one gender or another you could probably say that most people are bisexual simply because they had a fantasy once or kiss someone once or whatever. So I think we probably should all sit down and clearly define the word bisexual as being a person who is capable of falling in love with either gender equally. As for everyone else, they should probably just associate their sexuality with whatever their prime bias is and leave a little caveat at the end as to what they are and are not open to at a given time.
As for myself, my prime bias is women. But I’ve been known to have a little fun in the past. ;)