Are women the gate keepers of sex?

I’m involved in a very interesting debate on another blog located off xanga where we are discussing gender roles in society and whether or not women are the gatekeepers of sex.

The question at hand is; are women the gate keepers of sex because of biological reasons or societal reasons?

Biological would be, they have more to lose than men do because of potential pregnancy and the limited amount of eggs they produce in a lifetime. So they must be more selective about who they give them to.

Societal, they’ve been told by society (religion, culture etc.) to be selective and not put out to just any man.

The blog author however is debating that both women and men are gate keepers of sex and that western society has just labeled women as the only gate keepers. Thus putting it in their head that they should act this way. When really they should ditch the snobby persona that they are the only ones with something to offer and desire.

What is your take on all of this?

This entry was posted in General.

0 thoughts on “Are women the gate keepers of sex?

  1. @ShimmerBodyCream – Yeah let me try that on you and see how you like that. Sorry I’m just a little taken back. I just came off a blog that is debating this super hardcore with a lot of really really intelligent people, to posting it on here and getting a comment that is so whimsical and rape-ish(is that a xanga site yet?)

    I was kind of hoping for some additional serious perspectives on this. 

  2. I think it can be more difficult for a guy to have sex with a girl because of the differences. Men are perceived to be horn dogs, only out for one thing, and potentially dangerous if you’re out on your own. That being said, I think women and men are fairly equal in the “wanting sex / denying sex” category, we just only see one side of it. I’ve experienced a lot of “Well, wait, you just want to have sex? What?” confusion from guys. In turn I’ve found that when they are given that opportunity it can be a little bit of a confound, where they either aren’t interested or want more. 

  3. since a woman’s privates aren’t dangling like men’s but on the interior of her body, then metaphorically, I wouldn’t let just anyone into my private “home” aka let strangers enter because my body is a temple and I have worshippers aka the men chasing me, but only the worthy shall be granted access

    I think more men should be snobbier and not be so ready and willing to have sex, so they have some attitude and make women, who think they are all that and can have practically anybody she wants, to actually work for it and chase him. my guy told me that he took a vow of celibacy and that caught me off guard because most guys quickly give in and want to hookup, but he was like, no, I won’t have sex, I made a commitment to myself and am sticking with it

  4. @suggestivetongue – @aqua_aiko – I’m one of those guys. I love sex and talk a lot about it. Consciously I’d love to be banging ever hot ass out there. But subconsciously I’m kind of a snob. I’ve always thought it was because I was never given the chance by women just throwing themselves at me. But realistically, I think I’ve just shot out those signals. I can count on both hands how many women I’ve had sex with. I’m a relationship commiter. Yet some girls are totally baffled by women not throwing themselves at me. I’ve been called by both women and MEN, a model, an adonis, etc. I’m not saying that to be egotistical. I’ve been called those things from people. I’ve never believed it because women weren’t throwing themselves at me. Yet my girlfriend tells me I’m just blind and maybe I am, subconsciously, on purpose.  

    So yes, perhaps the original author was right, women AND men are both gate keepers. 

  5. guys are selective too….sure their spectrum is much more broad  than females but still selective. i do think that both male and females are “gate keepers” to sex. guys tend to look (instinctively) who would be most suitable to carry their children. (hips) being an indicator…i could go on but id rather not…

  6. @roxics – yup, I couldn’t believe it that you couldn’t find a woman for the threesome and she would actually pair off to be with your gf and be more attracted to her than you maybe those bisexual women lean more on the lesbian side and are more attracted to women than men, so to solve your threesome dilemma, find a bisexual, who is more attracted to men than women. another reason for my sexual snobbiness is that I like knowing that many people desire me but can’t physically have me, so I’m like a limited edition car, where they fantasize about owning and riding, but only a few chosen ones know what that feels like to have me. I made a blog with a picture referring to myself as a greek statue because I was trying to mimic the same pose :P

    I remember one of your pulses about self-hate so maybe that is why you don’t see what others see?

  7. Sorry I haven’t visited in a while…..with that intro, I like the topic.   I actually do not believe women are the “gatekeepers” to sex. In fact, I think it’s quite the opposite.  Women may have control over the first fuck,decide when to take off their panties…. but men, it seems have more psychological control.  I do not know if this is biological and due to evolution.   While there are exceptions, men seem to be able to control their emotions and keep their feelings at a distance.  Women, though they do this equally well, appear to be more emotional and men frequently “read” this as an attachment or love toward them.  That is when the power shift most often occurs.   The men either decide they don’t want a “real” relationship and go to their next conquest or control the relationship by creating an “emotional distance” that makes the woman appear “needy” or makes them dissatisfied with the level of intimacy in the relationship.   Of course, this is the scenario of the failed relationship.  Not all follow this path.  But I think it is common and challenges the idea of woman as “gatekeeper.”

  8. @nyfemme – 

    You make a good point. But then we are talking about sex and if women control the first fuck that would make them the gatekeepers. But I’m stating to believe that is just society and it doesn’t need to be that way. Both can be gatekeepers when it comes to sex. We just need to ditch the concept of women as sluts and convince women they want to be banging everything decently attractive man as much as men want to with women. ;)

  9. @roxics – continuing the discussion, I was talking about sex.  But the first fuck is not the most important one and doesn’t give the women eternal “gatekeeper status.  My point was that even if one grants that women most often has control of first fuck, I believe it’s the man that has far more control of the “gate” when it comes to the tenth, twentieth, whatever fuck.  

    A first fuck is just that.  It’s easy to get, easy to receive. May or may not mean anything.  
    Regardless of whether one is seen as a “slut” (to use your word) for opening the gate the first time — I think the dynamics of the gate fall the the man pretty quickly thereafter.   Just my experience (but then, again, i have an atypical view of sex….so If I’m attracted to someone, I don’t play games regarding the timing of that first encounter.)    
    Call me a slut or not, but  the way the relationship plays out — how long does it last as sex-only, how does the friendship begin, who falls in love first and/or who lets the other know, who has the key to lock that gate firmly closed — seems to pretty consistently fall to the male.  

  10. @nyfemme – I’m not disagreeing with you at all. All I’m trying to say is that it should change. Men and women should both be equal in being gatekeepers both before the first fuck and throughout. Total equality in every way. Gender should not be a player in anything. We need to change our society.  

  11. @roxics – I find it interesting that you point to society, rather than gender differences that are perhaps partly inborn and partly learned.   How does “society” have an impact on “gatekeeping” status in the case of older women — those not in school, for instance,   where talk around school or what “people” have to say doesn’t come into play at all?  What kind of impact does society have  on whether or not they decide to have sex with someone or not that first time?    (As you see i still conceede  gatekeeper status to the woman when it comes to the first time with any given partner).  

    anyway, just my few questions.   

Leave a Reply