All the virgins waiting

There seems to be a good amount of virgin girls on xanga waiting to have sex until they’re married. I’m not seeing as many guys saying that but then again, the xanga populace seems to be dominated by females.
I also believe that there are only three reasons a guy would still be a virgin by the time he’s 20 or older.

1. He’s been unlucky with the opposite sex, because he’s unattractive physically and/or mentally (which is probably the most common reason.

2. Because of his religious beliefs.

3. Because he’s gay and too afraid to come out of the closet even to himself.

The same three could be applied to women as well, but from my experience, the first is less likely. Even unattractive women can get laid by some guy if they just ask.

But I’m wondering how many of these virgin girls will be successful. Personally I don’t really understand the point. I’ve been with a couple of virgins in my life and it wasn’t anything special. Nor would I ever marry someone without first taking them for a test drive. I mean would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive? That’s not even something you’re committing to for life.

Sure there is something to be said about being considered a slut. I mean if you’ve slept with more then 25 guys by the time you’re 25 years old I’d say you’re pretty active. I’m not even sure that’s a bad thing, but from my perspective as a guy (and we all know guys a bit competitive), I myself haven’t slept with nearly 25 girls in my life and I’m 30. Probably less then half that.

Anyway whatever, that’s just a random number. It doesn’t really matter. It’s the 21st century so if you’re female and like to get your bang on then by all means.

But I have a feeling a lot of these virgin girls are going to be disappointed. At some point they just won’t end up in a relationship with enough lasting power that the guy will leave, or if they do get married, they may even face divorce at some point, then what? Become a virgin all over again?

Just seems like a lot to save for no real reason.  

0 thoughts on “All the virgins waiting

  1. I’m not married, and I’m no virgin. Does that make me a bad person? Nope.

    At the same time, I know girls that are 15 years old and have already had sex with around 8 different guys. I don’t say that you should put an age on when it’s right to have sex, but at the same time I’m not terribly fond of the idea of having sex with multitudes of people.

  2. I can kinda see where people are coming from regarding the virginity thing.  As I’ve aged, I’ve come to think of sex as an exciting and important part of a relationship, but it’s not so critical that a couple’s sexual dynamic can’t be left to develop over time.  I guess what I’m saying is that when you’ve been in a relationship for so many years that you’ve observed it undergoing a sort of sexual evolution, it actually becomes easier to imagine a marriage between two virgins eventually working out:  their sex might not be dynamite to begin with, but that aspect of the relationship can develop and improve the same as any other.

    Now, imagine a couple that has a bangin’ sex life and shares the experience of having been each others’ first, many years ago.  It’s kinda cool, and kinda sweet in an old-fashioned way.

  3. I’m a 30 year old virgin…  due to a mixture of religious beliefs (that I no longer hold), feelings of inadequacy (due to bad experiences), fear of rejection (and expectation of it), and a desire for more than just sex (Growing up on more romantic expectations, likely due to too much T.V. watching).  Two words: I’m fucked.

  4. I held onto my virginity till my 20’s which is surprising to say the least. At first it was because of my religious beliefs, then it was because I was too damn insecure to go through with it. When I finally did I was miserable and in pain for three days, so I’m kind of glad I got it out of the way before I got married. I couldn’t imagine spending the first three days of my marriage in that kind of pain.

    That being said, I think its a personal choice for each person. If your not ready, don’t do it. And each relationship will be different. And obviously use protection when you do.

  5. But any woman that has sex before marriage is a hell-bound slut muffin.  ::rolls eyes::  Like you said, it’s the 21st century now.

    I’m with you.  I wouldn’t buy a car without taking it for a spin first, much less marry a guy without knowing his skills in the sack.  There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite or experiencing the joys of sex (as long as you do it safely).  Many of those virgins out there are very likely to be disappointed when they finally “give it away” just to find out that it’s not that special or even as big a deal as they made it out to be.

    I’ve always wondered about the divorcing thing too, mostly since girls make such a big deal about being a virgin until marriage.  Once they sex it up, aren’t they technically a ruined woman?  You can’t just all of a sudden become a virgin again because you no longer have a spouse.  Seems to me like the best idea is that these girls just never get married…or get off their high horses.

  6. Most girls are proably afraid of being called a slut if they sleep around its a stereotype among girls if they sleep with someone then that makes them a slut. Not by my point of view but I’ve slept with a few guys and I’m only 17 but I’m also careful about who they were and how well I know them. Sometimes I do wish I had waited though.

  7. I would have loved to save myself for marriage. I did have that plan, but, as with a lot of girls, things changed.
    My bf was a virgin when I met him. We are both 20 and he was my third man. I wish I had waited for him every single day. He’s my other half (I know a lot of people say that and I’ve even thought it about other guys, but man this is for real). I consider him so lucky to never have to know another woman. He thinks the same way, and wishes that I never had anyone else to compare him to.
    I’m not regretting my decision at all, it got me where I am today, but if I had known that I would find him at the age of 20 and be able to marry a few years later, I could have waited past 17.

    And he was still a virgin more because of the unlucky part, if you wanted to know. He had girls to get with but he’d get in a car accident on the way to their house or something, for example.

  8. Wow..I am super annoyed by hearing people say that virgins are going to be disappointed. I’ve heard it one too many times. I’m 22, and I’m still a virgin. A virgin to the core. I’ve never really done anything remotely sexual. I’m not disappointed. And I doubt I will be. People say, “it’s nothing special.” Well, you know what? It is to me. We all have things that are important or meaningful and this is something that is to me.

    Personally, I don’t believe in divorce. When I marry, I know it will last forever. Because the person I marry will have the same views that I do on marriage.

    I honestly can’t wait to sleep with only one man. I know that a true Christian man is going to value this. I would hope the same for the man I marry.

  9. Careful.  If you bring up things like sexual incompatibility, the religious nuts jump all over you.  They seem to think marriage is a wonderful thing that can solve all such problems.

    Personally, I agree with your test drive analogy.  Isn’t it better to find out that you hate driving a stick shift before you buy the car?  And if you go ahead and buy it anyway, you can’t change a stick shift into an automatic, so if you don’t like what you’ve bought, there’s only one option: return it and get something else.

    Have I taken the analogy far enough yet? 

  10. I’m actually a virgin, too. But I don’t plan on staying that way until I’m married. Simply because of what you said … you wouldn’t buy a car if you haven’t test drove it yet.

    I plan on having sex with someone I really do love. At least for my first time, you know. After that, if it doesn’t last, then so be it. I’m sure I’ll end up having lots of sex after that before I’m married.

    Right now, there are other things I can do in place of sex, and I’m fine with that. I’ve had three serious relationships, and didn’t have sex with any of them. We didn’t break up because of it, and if someone ever did that. Then that’s cool. I don’t care. I understand where you’re coming from though. Sorry if this comment made no sense, it’s kind of all over the place. Hahaha

  11. I think that keeping one’s virginity is just a matter of preference. Some do it for religious reasons. As for myself, I am a virgin because I haven’t found a guy I care for and love. Let’s use the car analogy. When I’m shopping for a car, I don’t just test-drive every car that I see; I do some research, look around, and when I am serious about buying a car, I’ll take it for a test drive. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll keep on looking. At this point, I haven’t seen a car that caught my eye.

    I know my view is usually kind of weird, but I thought I would just throw it out there.

  12. I’m a virgin still, but my reasons for being a virgin really don’t include my religious beliefs (I don’t think the Pastafarian says I can’t have sex until I’m married, haha!), me being unlucky with the opposite sex, or me being gay.  I’m a virgin still because the opportunity for me having sex really hasn’t come my way just yet.  I was in a long distance relationship for over 9 months, so the physical contact we had was very limited.  I  just couldn’t fly over to where he was at whenever I wanted to fuck him, you know? So that was pretty much out of the question.  I was also in a three year relationship with someone else, but I was (and still am) considered a minor by the time he turned eighteen, so for the sake of the law we decided not to have sex.

    I don’t have access to birth control either, so that’s always been a barrier to me actually giving it away to someone. I’m really stingy about birth control.

    I’m glad I haven’t lost my virginity yet, though.  I’m not waiting for marriage to give it up to someone perse; I’m waiting for the right time in a relationship with someone who I share mutual trust, respect, and attraction to. 

  13. Right, what is the point of girls who save it like a present for that special someone, if they do not even appreciate it.

    Or what if you have your first time with your husband and do not understand how you managed to catch an STI?

  14. I’m a virgin and twenty-one. I don’t think its a big deal. When I was younger (sixteen-eighteen) boys ran for the border because I wasn’t ready to have sex. To be honest, I’m not sure if I’ll be a virgin on my wedding day. I may or may not. Its up to me, I don’t feel the need to live up to anyone’s standards or be seem as a boring girl. I’ve a dirty mouth and mind, just ask my boyfriend of two years. He respects me and would never make sex a huge option or else. I guess, that’s the good thing about falling for a friend who knew from the start.

    I can’t see myself fucking without emotion attached to it. I don’t believe in FWBs or open relationships.

    For me personally, I’m proud to be a virgin. I don’t think less of any other non virgins or see myself as someone better due to being a virgin.

    There has been so much virgin talk on Xanga! I think everyone has gone virgin crazy. Lol.


  15. I’m 24 and I’m still a virgin. It makes me sad to read some of these comments about people who aren’t virgins being considered “a hell-bound slut muffin”. I know she was probably exaggerating lol but I just hate that anyone would ever feel that way. I am very much a Christian, but I do not believe that “religious” is the word for it. If you’re actually truly following Jesus, then you wouldn’t be “religious”. If you read the New Testament, you’ll find that Jesus actually REALLY didn’t like the religious people He came in contact with. They were His biggest enemies on earth. Basically what I’m saying is that unfortunately a lot of people have made Christianity about them rather than about God and what Jesus ACTUALLY taught. Again if you read the New Testament, you find that Jesus is all about humility, love, respect, and many other good things like that. People who make Christianity “religious” (and effectively make it something other than Christianity since thats not what Christ taught), make it all about condemnation, judgment, and “looking good”. It completely breaks my heart because I know how many people have been hurt by those people so they have a bad view of God. He’s not like that. Yes, I believe there is absolute truth and we can talk about that another time because thats a WHOLE long discussion. lol :) But I just basically wanted to say all this because God isn’t anti-sex. NOT AT ALL. haha I mean He CREATED sex. (Obviously not everyone believes this but if you’re a Christian you generally do). The reason why God wants us to save ourselves for marriage is because He is trying to save us from hurt. If you have sex before your married, so many bad things can happen. Unwanted pregnancy (and then abortion or giving the child away or keeping it, which all cause heartbreak and hardship), STDs, emotional hurt, and many other things. If you save yourself for marriage, none of these things can effect you from sex. You don’t have the risk of unwanted pregnancy (and then the problems after that), you can’t get STDs (unless you were born with it from your mom), and you won’t have any emotional hurt from sex as you are going into marriage. Basically, your husband or wife won’t feel like you’re comparing them to the people before them (which is just natural human nature), they’ll know you don’t have an STD (again, unless you’re born with AIDS from your mom), and they’ll know that you’ve had the utmost respect for them that you didn’t bring any of these things into the marriage. I basically just think its all about respect and love for the person you will marry. I just don’t want my future husband to ever be afraid I’m comparing him to anyone else or anything like that. I have no problem marrying a guy who had sex before we got married because I believe in forgiveness. I would just hope and make sure that he was committed to me from then on. Thats actually the whole thing behind Christianity: forgiveness. We are sinful as human beings and God knows this, so He sent His son to die for us on the cross so that He could be the sacrifice for our sin and the remedy. Then when we accept His sacrifice for us and believe in Him, He sends His Holy Spirit to guide us and strengthen us from then on and to make us new. If you’re really following Christ, you know that you are JUST as sinful as everyone else and thats why you have Christ in your life, is because your completely sinful and in need of a Savior. So thats where the love (instead of condemnation and judgment) is. We have no right to condemn anyone else when we’re just as guilty! Does that make sense? I hope I’m making sense! haha :) 

    So basically again I say all that to say that God is not anti-sex. Christians should not judge each other. There is forgiveness. And there is a reason for saving yourself for marriage that does not include “thinking your better than everyone else who hasn’t”.I can honestly say that I don’t look down on others who have had sex before marriage. I do honestly hope they will respect themselves by waiting and make that decision, but its because I care about people not because I judge them at all! I don’t want anyone to be hurt emotionally or physically or be in risk of STDs or anything like that. I also want them to be able to have the amazing security in marriage of waiting for them from then on, even if they had messed up before. I also realize that sex is not EVERYTHING. It totally isn’t and I agree that if someone thinks it is THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER that they will be very disappointed! haha I mean I know it is a big deal, but I don’t think its everything at all. I know that I will have to have a period of learning with my future husband and it may be awkward but I’m fully expecting that and honestly think its pretty adorable and awesome that we can work as hard as we can at getting it right. ;) haha :) If you truly make sure that the person you marry is fully committed to you, then you don’t have to worry. Like I said, if its awkward at first, you can commit to making it not awkward by LOTS of practice. haha :) So I’m not worried about it at all. I’m looking forward to the practice stage. ;) 
    Also, I saw people wondering about if the person divorces then what happens? Thats a totally legitimate question (not that all of them aren’t). God made marriage to be a permanent thing and a beautiful thing of commitment to someone else. I have talked to many, many married couples that are Christians and believe that marriage should also be permanent and a commitment to another person. They tell me that marriage is VERY HARD at times but I have heard so many awesome stories of them working through it, even if it seemed impossible to work through, and getting through it stronger and more in love than they were in the beginning. I know that sounds so cliche but I’ve truly seen it many times in the marriages around me. And trust me, I’ve also seen how bad it can get too for them. Some had been cheated on repeatedly, etc. But they stuck with it and choose to love the person and in the end it worked out better than before because they went through such a deep thing with each other. I do know that its not always a happy ending though and God does make the concession that if someone is unfaithful (sexually) that you are allowed to divorce. So you obviously won’t be a virgin if you marry again, but you should go back to saving yourself for that person until you are married again. Its the same thing… love and respect. :)
    I hope I have made sense and I’m sorry this was so long but I wanted to explain myself so it all made sense as best as possible. I know its hard to save yourself for marriage… trust me, I know!! haha But I just believe its worth it and have seen examples of marriages where their marriages showed how worth it it was. I also have seen many marriages where jealousy tore them apart and I don’t want my marriage to be like that.
    And again, I wanted to emphasize that there is forgiveness. God can and will forgive anything and everything you could possibly have done if you ask for it. He can also strengthen you so that you don’t fall into those sins again. Its all about love, forgiveness, and saving you from hurts. 
    Please let me know your comments and questions to anything I’ve said. I would love to talk about it. :) 

  16. Yeah, I’ve noticed the disproportionate number of virgins on Xanga compared to real life.  I theorize it’s because they’re on Xanga all day and not out finding guys to screw them.

  17. yeah because women are property that you buy like cars. your entire argument was voided when you said that. I’m not a car, you don’t own me, and you don’t get to take my virginity out for a “test drive”. grow up.

    as for no “good reasons”, as you put it, you don’t deserve any because you view women as property.

    I’m 28. unmarried. virgin. and proud of it.

  18. @roxics – analogies?? comparing WOMEN (human beings) to a CAR is a good analogy in your mind?

    give me a break. I understood your analogy perfectly and that’s why I took umbrage with it. don’t talk to me about being smart- you go get laid and I’ll keep my self respect thank you very much.

  19. @spokenfor – Comparing people to cars, men and women, yes. Never once did I say property or even imply that. If you think that making an analogy to a car somehow implies that I view women as property you’re making an outlandish assumption.

    Listen, having sex before you’re married isn’t disrepectful to yourself. I don’t know who told you that or where you got that fucked up idea. My guess, the church. If you want to wait that’s your choice, fine by me. I don’t really understand because I couldn’t wait to jump in bed with a girl and now I do it all the time and I love it and so do they. I’m not married but that doesn’t bother me or them.  

  20. @roxics –  allowing someone to “test drive” me as you so succintly put it is what violates my self respect, not the act of sex itself. if someone wants me because they love me, then they can put a ring on my finger and marry me. sex is not perfect – but I plan on getting lots of practice and becoming pretty damn good at it once I am married. virgins have no experience with sex to be sure, but that doesn’t automatically make them a dissapointment to their partners. you know what is dissapointing though? genital warts. or a guy who pictures other women when he’s fucking you, because he’s been around so much. being compared to other chicks while I’m making love to my SO doesn’t sound exciting. men & women invite a veritable orgy into their bed when they test drive everyone they date.

    having sex before marriage IS disrespectful to myself. maybe not to you, but those are your opinions and beliefs. but my reasons for not having sex extend far beyond what “the church” has told me. the church has NOTHING to do with my sexuality, but God does. And my body is worth far more than a pleasurable roll in the hay. it’s not worth it. STD’s, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, guilt, sexual comparisons – that’s what is FUCKED up and what you all consider a normal sexual lifestyle.

    also, statistically speaking: virgins have much more sex and are more satisfied with their sex lives in marriage than those who “test drove”. so much for dissapointments.

  21. Man, when I read stuff like this, I am really glad I am Jewish and not Christian. Never once growing up did I hear them harp at the temple about “sex before marriage” : P
    I lost my virginity when I was 18 and engaged to a crappy guy that (thank god) I didn’t end up marrying and I learned from it. But that’s what life is, right?

    Now I have been married, divorced, had two kids, dated guys for love and dated guys just for sex. I have had sex on first dates. I have had “open” relationships and serious long-term relationships. I have had flings and I have loved with all my heart and soul. Every single one of those things taught me about who I am. Some were not the best choices…but it has made be a broader person. I don’t regret anything. I do think sex has value, but it is up to us what that value is. It is more important to worry about WHO you are having sex with rather than WHEN. That is where the real damage can lie. While someone is all wrapped about WHEN they will lose their virginity, they may be blind to the real catastrophe of WHO they are having sex with. Sex doesn’t prevent divorce…I don’t care what both of your “beliefs” are. I have seen just as many Christian divorces as I have so-called secular divorces. It’s why I will never be out of work as a divorce paralegal. 

  22. @spokenfor – “allowing someone to “test drive” me as you so succintly put it is what violates my self respect,”

    Not if you’re test driving them back. But you keep on with this idea that you (as the women) don’t play any part other then the car. Did you ever think about being the driver yourself?

    “or a guy who pictures other women when he’s fucking you, because he’s been around so much.”

    I hate to break it to you, but guys are going to do this anyway. No matter what they tell you. Even if you’re their first. They don’t have to have previously been with other women. In fact most guys don’t think of women they’ve already been with very often if at all, they think of the women they saw throughout the day they would like to be with. Yes I’m a man and I was once a virgin and I can tell this to you as a fact, even during my first relationship where sex was involved I thought of other women after a while.

    “STD’s, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, guilt,
    sexual comparisons – that’s what is FUCKED up and what you all consider
    a normal sexual lifestyle.”

    That’s kind of an extremist scare tactic point of view. Yes those things are possible. But so is getting hit by a bus tomorrow. This is why there is protection and birth control. As far as guilt and sexual comparisons. That’s just something you have to deal with in your own head. If it bothers you so much you can’t love the other person, don’t stay with them. Most people can get past it though, it’s called dealing with it and then growing up and accepting that they had a past just like you.

    I’m not telling anyone here to go out and fuck every person they see. If you read my entry you see that I said myself I have usually had sex whilst in a relationship. Most of my relationships have last for years, not days or months. So I’m not saying go out there and have one night stands, what’s I’m saying is that there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. 

  23. @roxics – 1 in 4 sexually active adults has an STD. I don’t know anyone who’s been hit by a bus though, so I think a couple more people should buy into that scare tactic. almost all of my sexually active friends have had a pregancy scare/abortion/miscarriage. again, those aren’t great odds. no protection is 100% except for abstinence. even a condom doesn’t ensure you won’t get an STD. scare tactic? you’re copping out or a little too secure in your supposed proctection.

    as for images and comparisons, i realize men do that. women are less likely to compare. thing is, I can’t control the images and comparisons my future husband may have. but I can control mine – I’d prefer to only know him and his touch. I’m responsible for my future sex life. no one else. i’d prefer to exhibit self-control now, than to regret things later.

    if you are fine sleeping around, that is your choice. your morals are your problem, not mine. but don’t tell me I’m a religious nut, stupid or socially inept because of my choice. i’m very happy to see the amount of virgin women on xanga. it shows that there are more of us out there than society would have us believe and we aren’t dissapointing or crazy for being different.

  24. hahaha, oh my gosh, these uber religious people make me giggle. 

    I’m a virgin but I don’t think I fall into any of your categories. It’s just… never come up, really. I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything. I’m ‘one of the guys’, a lot of the time. None of the male friends I’ve had have ever seen me as an object of lust, which I guess I should be thankful for. I seriously doubt I’ll wait till marriage to have sex, but I am holding out for True Love… which will probably get me nowhere, ha. Hopeless romanticism sucks sometimes. :P

  25. @spokenfor – I’m not calling you any of those things except not bright for taking my original analogy completely wrong.

    It’s your choice, I’m not here to force you or convince you otherwise. I just don’t get it myself.

  26. @Carolina17 – Guys like girls that are one of the guys sometimes. I’m sure a few of your guy friends have thought about it. Maybe they just don’t want to cross that line for fear of losing you as a friend. But if you do want to have sex with any of them, maybe you should make the first move and bring it up.
    If you want to wait till you fall in love, that’s fine too.  

  27. I understand the concept that we are all human and we “compare”.  Honestly, when I’m in bed with my SO or boyfriend, I do NOT think of anyone else.  The “car” analogy works perfect.  There is no disrespect in “testdriving” someone (or something) before you make a total commitment.  I don’t know how many times I wanted to through out something I bought without researching or testdriving it first.
    Anyways, love is ever changing… roxics knows this first hand.  When you love one person, the love you have for someone after that person is completely different.  No two people are the same.
    I get really tired of people’s though processes.  We call each other stupid and crazy and other things of that sort, however how many times do we actually listen?  How many times do we open our minds to other perspectives?  Seriously, how can roxics or spokenfor call each other names.  We all have our perspectives and we should respect them.  If you think someone is out of line, say so, however do it respectively.  When you read a line like the one in this post, you need to keep your mind completely open and if you still don’t understand, ask the person to elaborate on what they said before you make assumptions.
    I am a true believer in sex before marriage.  I also do NOT compare people in bed nor think of others (unless it’s really bad, and once that happens their out of there!).  Sex for fun can be a good time, really… HOWEVER when that’s all you have and there is really nothing special in your life except meaninless sex, then what do you have?  You can have all the money in the world, have hot women by your side (for the minute), but when it’s all said and done… there is no one there you can rely on or even have a meaningful conversation with.  To me that is boring and sad!

  28. I know I’m a little behind on commenting here, but regarding the whole “test driving” thing… isn’t that what DATING is?

    I mean, unless you’re doing the arranged marriage thing, aren’t you “test driving” the person whether you have sex with them or not? 

    I’ve never understood why it was okay to judge people’s appearance, intelligence, creativity, desires, and other mental and physical properties of an individual, just NOT anything to do with sex (ability, voracity, etc.)

  29. @roxics – you may not understand it, but more than a few people on here have made attempts to explain it, so your not understanding our reasons is your choice. I understand completely why you want to sleep around, I guess we virgins cannot expect the same from you

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