Tonight has been filled with great inner thought. It feels like one of those nights when I was a teenager before the internet. Nights when I would sit up late in my room smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and letting the candles and incense burn while pondering the deep and spiritual.
I was never one of those easily fun loving teenagers who was all peppy and outgoing. I’ve always been someone with a lot on my mind. Always thinking as deep as I could.
There existed in that time a certain emotional atmosphere that surrounded my life. A certain essence that drew people to me. For the most part I feel like I had lost it. But it’s coming back. I think I’ve captured it best in my current profile picture. A sense of awe and depth. Dialogue with a higher power. As if the light of heaven were on me and defining every edge and contour of my soul.
I was a deeply spiritual person back then. Although religion had its role. At the time I was a sort of Christian who played by my own rules of belief. To me it was more about the emotional, spiritual and scientific.
I wore an infinity charm around my neck. This represented the never ending God and universe to me. A sort of half spiritual/half scientific belief. A mixture of many things that were holy but not religious.
What’s funny is that I’ve come full circle. So many years later and my overall feelings and beliefs I had back then have been returning to me. My eyes still as dark as ever, now filled with the light that is falling on me once more. Defining and refining me like solar fire from the heavens.
It feels good. But I realize now I’ve never lost it. I’ve just begun to stop denying it.